It’s almost Thanksgiving. You might be spending it with your girlfriend’s vegan family (don’t forget the raw, soy chocolate pudding), or at an office misfits dinner. You might be tagging along to your weird neighbor Al’s Star Wars-themed feast (don’t tell me they’re making you dress up as Chewbaca…), or you might end up at Denny’s- at least it’s not frozen turkey. You might be sitting across from your third cousin Debbie and her yappy dog, Fluff Fluff who attacked the turducken so you have to eat hot dogs instead.
You might even be hopscotching between families, starving yourself the day before to fit in three servings of Turkey and Grandma Pat’s, Grandma Lou’s, and Grandma Lacey’s Pumpkin Pie. You might skip dessert because listening to three hours of political arguments (who’s the mayor again?) makes you physically sick. You might feel like you’re in a scene from Meet the Fockers, The Stepford Wives, Portlandia, Hell’s Kitchen, or Reno 911.
That is the nature of Thanksgiving. It’s tradition to feel uncomfortable, anxious, and overstuffed.
It’s NOT common to hand-pick the guests around the table, to choose your company, to skip tradition. Well, we’re not common. We are taking a moment out of holiday planning and the chains of tradition to dream up our Thanksgiving guest list. Fluff Fluff is definitely not invited.
1. Peter Pan. He flies. That is so cool.
2. Sarah Palin. She is funny and nifty. We have recruited her to hunt down our turkey.
3. Martha Stewart. She’s not actually staying for dinner. We just need someone to organize the feast, get all the details sorted out and such.
4. Nigella Lawson. She is more enchanting than Martha. She can stay for dinner….and make dessert
5. David Bowie. He is dashing.
6. Chelsea Handler and David Sedaris. They’ll have funny stories.
7. Fred and Ginger. They may not be current, but they’re a lot spicier than Derek and Julianne Hough. We want to dance.
8. Atticus Finch. We need someone to remind us to be thankful.
9. Houdini. We are expecting entertainment to be of the highest caliber.
10. The Pink Panther. He’s so cheeky. And pink. And he will fit right in.
11. Jessica Rabbit. Who can resist the glamour?
12. Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash. They will make a festive duet.
We hope your Thanksgiving turns out to be as festive and fantastic as ours will be. We have the perfect venue for you if you decide to have your own holiday feast of epic proportions. *Guest list not included*